You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
