Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
