We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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