What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize