Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
