you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
