May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
