So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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