I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
