kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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