yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
