I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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