Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
