my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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