a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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