i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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