five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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