his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
