I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
