well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
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