A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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