is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
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