He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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