it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
