I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
