he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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