apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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