Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
