You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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