he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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