I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
