i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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