this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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