you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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