When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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