Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
