You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
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