i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
