Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
