you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
