I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
