You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
