Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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