So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
