I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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