you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
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