We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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