dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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