ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize