i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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