you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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