She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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