idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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