great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
