this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i think i scared a bird with my dick
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
