i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
should my penis look like a turkey
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
