I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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