Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
