She went from zero to smokin in five shots
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
