i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
