Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
