Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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