Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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