Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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