My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
