shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
