Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
