I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
