How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
