I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She's the barista slut.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
