At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
